Friday, October 28, 2005


Ah... Friday night and good Spanish wine.

Friday night and all is quiet. The wife is sleeping on the the couch. Periodically she wakes up and says stuff like, "why are all the light on?" and "Turn down the T.V." I am watching VH1's I love the 80's 3D. Right now they are profiling Jimmy the Greek. Yawn. I highly recommend Solanes 2001 Priorat. Very very good. I'm not yet at the point where I will describe the wine in high falutin' flowery language. Get it and try it. I'm going to have to purchase a case, and throw it in the cellar. A+

If you have been reading the blog, you will know that we have coons. They live in the back forty and basically come around and bother the cats from time time. I now believe that they are up to no good. This morning as I was leaving for work, I noticed one raccoon slinking around the side of my house. A few minutes later, another raccoon appeared and looked a little guilty. They are planning something, and I have the sneaky suspicion that what ever it is, it is not benevolent.

2 weeks to go till the kid is scheduled to arrive. We'll see if she is on time. Knowing her mother, she will be late, but stylish.

For you viewing pleasure, I have include "Monkey Bass".

Friday, October 14, 2005



I think I found my cat a boyfriend!

Drudge links to this story about a cat named Five Toes (yes he has 5 toes on each paw) that has two tongues! The two tongues got me to thinking that Five Toes may be the perfect boyfriend for my cat Pig Nose (yes she has a nose like a pig). Pig Nose is a dirty cat, and I figure if she had a boyfriend with 2 tongues, she wouldn't smell like ass all the time.

Wednesday, October 12, 2005


Bad Karaoke Night (Is there any other kind?)

This story out of Butte Montana demonstrates why karaoke is evil, and should be banned. Monday night at the Party Palace, 1 West Park, transsexual Kyle “Tawnie” Riekena claims she/he was beaten down and had her/his wig stolen while attempting to use the woman’s bathroom. Party Palace owner Ted Deshner disagrees with parts of “Tawnie’s” story.

“Tawnie” entered the bar Monday night for a drink and some song stylizing with a male companion. Monday is the traditional karaoke night at thousands of bars and taverns across the country. I have a little pet theory that “hate crimes” increase on Mondays during football season by 300% and this is a direct result of mixing Monday Night Football and the kooky Japanese sport of karaoke. The demographic divide between MNF fans and karaoke fans will not be bridged until a world class Japanese quarterback emerges to lead these two groups to the promise land.

After finishing his/her drink with his/her male companion, “Tawney” made a request to sing the karaoke song, “Killing Me Softly” by Roberta Flack. The first thing I learned about karaoke, in my long descent into this gritty subculture is that karaoke is all about song selection. Now far be it from me to “blame the victim” but come on, a transsexual in a bar in the toughest town in America should stay far, far, far away from a song entitled “Killing Me Softly”. “Papa Don’t Preach”, “Groove Is in the Heart”, and pretty much anything from the “Yentl” or “Pricilla” sound track will work, but come on, he/she is lucky he/she only lost his/her wig.

Soon after requesting the song, “Tawnie” entered the woman’s bathroom and allegedly startled a woman who told Deshner a man was in the women’s bathroom. Deshner then interrupted the karaoke, got on the microphone to tell all men to stay out of the women’s bathroom. Again, drawing from my vast karaoke spectator experience, interrupting karaoke for any reason is a bad idea. Deshner is lucky the patrons didn’t riot and burn the place down.

Deshner is quoted as saying, “If you have a penis, you should not go into the women’s bathroom. I don’t care if you have a doctor’s excuse.” Apparently “Tawney” has a note from her doctor and her counselor that explains his/her “condition” and gives him/her the right to use the women’s bathroom. I also have a note from a counselor that says I’m sane. I can’t tell you how handy that is….

After Deshner made his announcement, the karaoke hooligans pushed “Tawney” out the door and onto the sidewalk. The karaokigans hit and kicked her. “Tawney” is quoted as saying, “Imagine being pushed out a door and to your car by a tidal wave of human beings.” Deshner claimed he did not go outside, so he doesn’t know what happened to “Tawney”. He does know that someone did take “Tawnie’s” wig.

Deshner claimed his actions where not motivated by prejudice. He said, “I don’t want to chase anybody out, I want to make money.” This statement rings a little untrue to these ears. If he really wants to make money and not chase anybody out, why does he offer karaoke every Monday night?

The final piece of this story is pure gold. “Tawney” plans to continue living in Butte, were she is seeking work. “Tawney” says, “I’m treated great. I’m told I look good. I’m compared to Victoria’s secret models a lot.” He/She is also determined to complete his/her sex change. “It will happen short of death,” Tawney said.

I sense a Lifetime movie deal in the works. Working title – Karaoke Caress – The Tawney Riekena Story.

Tuesday, October 04, 2005

Weird workout story:

I diligently workout six days a week to keep myself in fighting trim. I belong to a large exclusive high end club, the kind where people play squash, hit the spa, blow dry their genitals (a story for another time), then sip wine at one of the 2 restaurants in the club. This place has flat screen digital TV all over the place, all of the latest equipment impeccably maintained, the whole nine yards. The level of service and luxury at this club typically translates into the rudest membership roster possible.

This morning I am working out on the stepmill, doing a quick 35 minutes of cardio before lifting some weights, and a guy jumps up on the machine next to mine. I immediately look down the line of 30 open machines, and wondered why this guy would pick the machine next to mine. I am about 15 minutes into my workout when, the guy starts fumbling with the magazine he was reading and drops it off the front of his machine. I finish my workout, wipe down my machine, and was about to head down to the weight room when the guy next to me asks me to get his magazine for him. I was shocked. In order to get this guy's magazine, I would have to either walk about 20 yard down the row of machines, turn and walk back, or squeeze through a 7" gap between the machines. I choose to squeeze through the gap, grab the magazine and as I handed it to him with my sweaty hand I said, "Here's your magazine ya Jackass!".

The guy looked at me like I just punched his poodle. I guess he could not comprehend that I wouldn't want to be his man servant and clean up after him.