Quackery.

The latest adventures of Drunky McDrunkerstein falling down a few flights of stairs, injuring her neck, and going to the Chiropractor for relief; allows me to reflect on my feelings towards the so called science of Chiropractic Adjustment. I have always registered some skepticism toward Chiropractic Adjustment. Anyone who knows me, knows my feelings towards the forced extraction of wisdom teeth (know as the Gibraltar Conspiracy), and while my distain for Chiropractors does not exceed my distain for Oral Surgeons, it comes pretty damn close.

Earlier today, I was reflecting on why I hold such low estimations of Chiropractors and the only reason I could fathom is Elmer Baldridge. “Who the hell is Elmer Baldridge?” you say, I was just about to tell you!

Mr. Baldridge was my high school Chemistry and Physics teacher. Baldridge arrived at my Catholic High School before my Junior year under somewhat mysterious circumstances. Due to the miniscule salaries offered by Catholic schools, Catholic schools typically employ two types of teachers; young ideological teachers fresh from college who want to change the world, and older, more experience teachers who are married to Doctors, lawyers, etc. Their spouse’s income allowed these teachers to work at a school with more freedom, and generally a school population that took learning more seriously. Elmer Baldridge did not fit either of these categories.

Rumor had it that Baldridge had been fired from his previous teaching position at a public school for putting on a rubber glove during a chemistry lab and asking for a female volunteer. He was forty to fiftyish, short, balding, single, and pushing 300 lbs which may play into the reason why he will always be associated with Chiropractic Adjustments in my mind.

Baldridge’s firing and subsequent lawsuit for wrongful termination did not seem to temper his classroom behavior. He was constantly making controversially statements during class. For instance, as he was explaining the periodic table one day, a student answered a question by using the words, “Man – Made”. Baldridge said in response to this answer, “I don’t like the term Man-Made. Women helped too. The men needed someone to make their Coffee!”

On another occasion, Baldridge was lecturing on the concept of cell division or cleavage. He began his lecture by asking the question, “Does anyone have a good definition for cleavage?” Immediately after asking this question, he turned to a well endowed (my grandma would have referred to her as “blessed”) female student and said with a twinkle in his eye, “Ms. Malloy, please define cleavage!”

Getting back to the point of the story, Baldridge once told me about the Chiropractic Adjustments he had been getting every week for the past five years. According to him, his Chiropractor would usher him into his office, request that he lower his pants and under wear, and have him bend over the examination table. At this point, the “Dr” would leave the office only to return a few minutes later with a rather large snow shovel. The “Dr” would then tell Mr. Baldridge to brace himself and would smack him three times on the ass with the snow shovel. According to Baldridge, this weekly “adjustment” was the only thing that ever worked to relieve him of chronic neck and back pain.

I’m not one to judge, but I’ll be damned if I’m going to pay $120 a week to have some quack smack me in the ass with a snow shovel.

What the hell is Elmo doing slumming with Oprah?


Hey Oprah, Hands off Elmo, NOW!

Palestinian Hot Potato

LGF has the story of two Palestinians killed and seven others wounded when a family was playing with a gernade.

Let me paint a picture for you.

Setting:
A Palestinian family sitting around their house railing against the evil Zionists:

Akmed: "Mohammed, I'm bored railing against the evil Zionist Entity." "Let's play a game!"

Mohammed: "OK Akmed, what type of game to you have in mind?"

Akmed: "Oh, I don't know." "How about this." "Let's get the whole family sitting around the table, I'll pull the pin on this here gernade, we pass it from person to person, and the person holding it when it goes off, Wins!"

Mohammed: "Genius, pure Genius." "Let me go get my 1 year old neice, she loves games!"

Deer

Animal Profile #1

As I’m sure all of you could tell from my teaser Latin nomenclature, the first profiled animal in my back yard is the deer. I was about to describe the deer as the sheep of the animal world, but then I realized that sheep are the sheep of the animal world.

Ah, what are deer good for? Shootin’ of course! In addition to shootin’ deer are good at spreading lyme disease. In my back yard they eat the blackberry bushes and occasionally get in the way of my vehicle. This little critter later surprised me as I came around the corner of my house. I’ve decided to name him …. Dewey.

Deer Quick Facts:

Deer are the state animal of the following states:
Arkansas
Illinois
New Hampshire
Ohio
Pennsylvania
South Carolina
Wisconsin

Bucks range in weight from 130 – 350 lbs
Does range in weight from 90 – 130 lbs

Deer look cute but, if you have been reading my blog, you know that they occasionally attack humans walking out of basketball games. Be very wary of the clop, clop, clop of little hooves behind you!

New Posts coming soon...

I decided to start an on going series on the animals in my back yard. First up: Odocoileus hemionus

You can cut the anticipation with a knife!

The Sneeze

Testing to see if I can add video to my blog. If I can, I better than everyone!

Who's the dummy?

Learning to crawl...







Is difficult when you have a damn shitzu up in your grill!