Some hippy puked on my Kid!
Sunday, April 30, 2006
Friday, April 28, 2006
The State of Washington in trying to tell me something.
Around the beginning of the New Year, I received the annual notice of renewal for my license plates. After scanning the notice, I found out that I need to purchase new plates. This seemed pretty stupid as my current plates were not damaged. Due to the fact that I have never washed my car, the license plate, under the 1" of dirt is pretty much in pristine condition. I did some research and found out that every seven years you need to get new license plates because the reflective properties wear off after seven years.
I went online to renew and have my plates sent to me, and I noticed that for an additional $20 bucks, the "State" of WA allows me to get new plates and keep my current plate numbers. This sort of angered me. What kind of dummy do they think I am. It didn't take me more than three or four years to memorize my current plate number 172 JVN - ha I still remember it after 4 months. I figured the state was trying to screw me out of $20 bucks to build more pet mausoleums in the county parks. I decided to stick it to the man and save $20 bucks by getting a “new” number.
Here is a picture of my new license plate.
Notice anything “fishy”? That’s OK. It took me a few months to notice it. Look at the three letters. That’s right, U R D!!!! The State of Washington is telling me that I am ¾ of a TURD!!!!
Two can play this game. I think the State of Washington is 7/8th of a pile of rotten cabbage. There! Take that State of Wa….. I await your next move. Bring it on, suckas!!!
Around the beginning of the New Year, I received the annual notice of renewal for my license plates. After scanning the notice, I found out that I need to purchase new plates. This seemed pretty stupid as my current plates were not damaged. Due to the fact that I have never washed my car, the license plate, under the 1" of dirt is pretty much in pristine condition. I did some research and found out that every seven years you need to get new license plates because the reflective properties wear off after seven years.
I went online to renew and have my plates sent to me, and I noticed that for an additional $20 bucks, the "State" of WA allows me to get new plates and keep my current plate numbers. This sort of angered me. What kind of dummy do they think I am. It didn't take me more than three or four years to memorize my current plate number 172 JVN - ha I still remember it after 4 months. I figured the state was trying to screw me out of $20 bucks to build more pet mausoleums in the county parks. I decided to stick it to the man and save $20 bucks by getting a “new” number.
Here is a picture of my new license plate.
Notice anything “fishy”? That’s OK. It took me a few months to notice it. Look at the three letters. That’s right, U R D!!!! The State of Washington is telling me that I am ¾ of a TURD!!!!
Two can play this game. I think the State of Washington is 7/8th of a pile of rotten cabbage. There! Take that State of Wa….. I await your next move. Bring it on, suckas!!!
Tuesday, April 25, 2006
Thursday, April 20, 2006
Monday, April 17, 2006
Month 5!
Ah a shameless ploy for traffic. Put up pictures of my daughter. Today my daughter turns 5 months old. When I left for work today, she was soundly sleeping in her crib. I told the wife that every hour that she sleeps while we are awake is another hour that she owes us in yard work! We went for a walk yesterday to a little park by our house in order to put Genevieve on the swing. I snapped the above picture of her swinging. The wife kept telling me to stop swinging her so hard, but I feel it is my duty to toughen her up a bit.
On the walk back home, it started to hail, but Genevieve slept right through it. I felt vindicated in my toughening stance... We ran into one of my old coworkers on the way home and she kept going on, and on about how much Genevieve smiles. She's right, we have one happy baby. I like to take credit for her good disposition.
Besides smiling, Genevieve enjoys eating! The kid can really pack away the food. When she is not eating food, she is eating her foot. If I didn't stop her, I sometimes fear that she would eat right through to her mouth.
Update! Update! Update!
After posting this earlier today, I noticed that the first picture of Genevieve sort of looks like we are cooking her in a cast iron pot. I want to assure all of my readers, (especially the cannibals among you, you know who you are!) that the wife and I would never cook our daughter in a cast iron pot! She is far too young and could benefit from some Hansel and Gretel treatment.
Thursday, April 13, 2006
A Response to the Wife
Since all two of my readers also read my wife's blog, I feel compelled to answer the significant slander, both verbal and artistic, found on my wife's blog entry dated 4/13/06 entitled, "How to Ruin Family Picture Day.
The Setup: Baby Pictures at JC Penny
The Players: Me, The Wife, The Nanny, The Kid, and guest starring.... Satan's Spawn!
The Location: Bellevue WA JC Penny
After getting up early to make it into work by 7 am, I left the office to meet the nanny, the kid, and the wife for baby pictures. It was lightly raining, so people were driving like one-legged goats swim.
I arrived at the JC Penny "photocenter" 10 minutes before our agreed upon appointment. The nanny showed up with the kid, and the wife showed up a few minutes late. The wife said, "Sorry I'm Late, I have to make the money, Are you mad?" I replied, "No." As usual, the wife does not believe me. The wife goes on to complain that we should be served immediately, since it is past our agreed upon appointment time. I know from being in these situations many many times before, that our appointment is scheduled for whenever the hell JC Penny Photo specialists feel like it is scheduled.
After waiting perhaps ten minutes longer, it is our time to enter the "Studio". Photos begin almost immediately. This is quite the departure from my days as the top male model of Belarus. My previous photo shots have always started with the photographer giving me some direction, you know, telling me about what they are going to try to capture. For instance, "Hi, I Ghar, for today's shoot, I'm aiming for "Baby two dirty diapers past angry" or "Baby too cute with sandals No. 5". I can deal with that. This photographer said nothing. She manipulated our baby and began to make coo coo noises at her like she was some sort of slack jawed yokel. My baby is a pro, but I began to wonder if she could work with these amateurs.
Half way through the photo shoot, an elderly (I would guess Russian from the accent) man, barged into the studio and demanded that our photographer take his picture. He then produced what looked to be a passport (from a foreign country). I was about to call the authorities when the photographer distracted the old man by telling him to sit in the lobby and wait. Pretty good plan, make him think you are going to do his bidding, while secretly calling the authorities, so as to not make a scenes and ruin my baby's concentration.
The photo shoot ended and my wife escaped with the kid and left the nanny and myself in the purgatory of the lobby. The lobby was occupied by aforementioned crazy Russian man, JC Penny "Associate" showing pictures to large overbearing soccer mom, 10 year old boy (most likely son of soccer mom), and The Devil sitting in a stroller being rocked by soccer mom.
At first I didn't realize that the six year old girl sitting in the stroller was the Devil, but then I heard the most blood curdling sound. It was deep and resonating. It said, "Cllaaaaaaaaa Dunnn" getting deeper as the sound came out of its mouth. I looked at the nanny and I could tell from the look of fear on her face, that she heard it too. Once again it said, "Cllaaaaaa Dunnn". I snapped a quick picture with my cell phone camera (photo is posted below). As for the rest of what The Wife said, she doesn't know what she is talking about.
Since all two of my readers also read my wife's blog, I feel compelled to answer the significant slander, both verbal and artistic, found on my wife's blog entry dated 4/13/06 entitled, "How to Ruin Family Picture Day.
The Setup: Baby Pictures at JC Penny
The Players: Me, The Wife, The Nanny, The Kid, and guest starring.... Satan's Spawn!
The Location: Bellevue WA JC Penny
After getting up early to make it into work by 7 am, I left the office to meet the nanny, the kid, and the wife for baby pictures. It was lightly raining, so people were driving like one-legged goats swim.
I arrived at the JC Penny "photocenter" 10 minutes before our agreed upon appointment. The nanny showed up with the kid, and the wife showed up a few minutes late. The wife said, "Sorry I'm Late, I have to make the money, Are you mad?" I replied, "No." As usual, the wife does not believe me. The wife goes on to complain that we should be served immediately, since it is past our agreed upon appointment time. I know from being in these situations many many times before, that our appointment is scheduled for whenever the hell JC Penny Photo specialists feel like it is scheduled.
After waiting perhaps ten minutes longer, it is our time to enter the "Studio". Photos begin almost immediately. This is quite the departure from my days as the top male model of Belarus. My previous photo shots have always started with the photographer giving me some direction, you know, telling me about what they are going to try to capture. For instance, "Hi, I Ghar, for today's shoot, I'm aiming for "Baby two dirty diapers past angry" or "Baby too cute with sandals No. 5". I can deal with that. This photographer said nothing. She manipulated our baby and began to make coo coo noises at her like she was some sort of slack jawed yokel. My baby is a pro, but I began to wonder if she could work with these amateurs.
Half way through the photo shoot, an elderly (I would guess Russian from the accent) man, barged into the studio and demanded that our photographer take his picture. He then produced what looked to be a passport (from a foreign country). I was about to call the authorities when the photographer distracted the old man by telling him to sit in the lobby and wait. Pretty good plan, make him think you are going to do his bidding, while secretly calling the authorities, so as to not make a scenes and ruin my baby's concentration.
The photo shoot ended and my wife escaped with the kid and left the nanny and myself in the purgatory of the lobby. The lobby was occupied by aforementioned crazy Russian man, JC Penny "Associate" showing pictures to large overbearing soccer mom, 10 year old boy (most likely son of soccer mom), and The Devil sitting in a stroller being rocked by soccer mom.
At first I didn't realize that the six year old girl sitting in the stroller was the Devil, but then I heard the most blood curdling sound. It was deep and resonating. It said, "Cllaaaaaaaaa Dunnn" getting deeper as the sound came out of its mouth. I looked at the nanny and I could tell from the look of fear on her face, that she heard it too. Once again it said, "Cllaaaaaa Dunnn". I snapped a quick picture with my cell phone camera (photo is posted below). As for the rest of what The Wife said, she doesn't know what she is talking about.
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