A Response to the Wife

Since all two of my readers also read my wife's blog, I feel compelled to answer the significant slander, both verbal and artistic, found on my wife's blog entry dated 4/13/06 entitled, "How to Ruin Family Picture Day.

The Setup: Baby Pictures at JC Penny
The Players: Me, The Wife, The Nanny, The Kid, and guest starring.... Satan's Spawn!
The Location: Bellevue WA JC Penny

After getting up early to make it into work by 7 am, I left the office to meet the nanny, the kid, and the wife for baby pictures. It was lightly raining, so people were driving like one-legged goats swim.

I arrived at the JC Penny "photocenter" 10 minutes before our agreed upon appointment. The nanny showed up with the kid, and the wife showed up a few minutes late. The wife said, "Sorry I'm Late, I have to make the money, Are you mad?" I replied, "No." As usual, the wife does not believe me. The wife goes on to complain that we should be served immediately, since it is past our agreed upon appointment time. I know from being in these situations many many times before, that our appointment is scheduled for whenever the hell JC Penny Photo specialists feel like it is scheduled.

After waiting perhaps ten minutes longer, it is our time to enter the "Studio". Photos begin almost immediately. This is quite the departure from my days as the top male model of Belarus. My previous photo shots have always started with the photographer giving me some direction, you know, telling me about what they are going to try to capture. For instance, "Hi, I Ghar, for today's shoot, I'm aiming for "Baby two dirty diapers past angry" or "Baby too cute with sandals No. 5". I can deal with that. This photographer said nothing. She manipulated our baby and began to make coo coo noises at her like she was some sort of slack jawed yokel. My baby is a pro, but I began to wonder if she could work with these amateurs.

Half way through the photo shoot, an elderly (I would guess Russian from the accent) man, barged into the studio and demanded that our photographer take his picture. He then produced what looked to be a passport (from a foreign country). I was about to call the authorities when the photographer distracted the old man by telling him to sit in the lobby and wait. Pretty good plan, make him think you are going to do his bidding, while secretly calling the authorities, so as to not make a scenes and ruin my baby's concentration.

The photo shoot ended and my wife escaped with the kid and left the nanny and myself in the purgatory of the lobby. The lobby was occupied by aforementioned crazy Russian man, JC Penny "Associate" showing pictures to large overbearing soccer mom, 10 year old boy (most likely son of soccer mom), and The Devil sitting in a stroller being rocked by soccer mom.

At first I didn't realize that the six year old girl sitting in the stroller was the Devil, but then I heard the most blood curdling sound. It was deep and resonating. It said, "Cllaaaaaaaaa Dunnn" getting deeper as the sound came out of its mouth. I looked at the nanny and I could tell from the look of fear on her face, that she heard it too. Once again it said, "Cllaaaaaa Dunnn". I snapped a quick picture with my cell phone camera (photo is posted below). As for the rest of what The Wife said, she doesn't know what she is talking about.