Cox and Forum.

If you are not going here daily, you should be. Probably the best libertarian/conservative cartoonists out there.

Let Us Get Honest

Now that Hamas has won a huge victory in the "Palestinian" elections, can we finally stop saying that the so called "Palestinian" People want peace. Democracy is a great thing, primarily because it allows people to express their individual hopes and dreams through a political process. With the election of a terrorist group, no one can doubt that the "Palestinian" people hope and dream for the destruction of Israel.

I'm waiting for the United States, EU, and the rest of the West to stop sending foreign aid to these losers.

Also... Why are so many people shocked that Hamas won? The only reason I can think of is that they though Fawtwah would cheat.

An Ode to my Cat!

Pignose oh Pignose,
Why do you look so blue?
Pignose oh Pignose,
Your disdain for me is true.

Pignose oh Pignose,
Why do you feel so free?
Pignose oh Pignose,
Please don't squat on the carpet and pee!


I found an interesting post on the link between the parasite that lives in cats and schizophrenia. It seems that this parasite has been shown to infect rats brains and make these rats less afraid of cats. Rats not afraid of cats = rats in the bellies of cats. Rats treated with anti schizophenia drugs regain their fears of cats.

Note: this parasite can also affect humans.

Things are beginning to make sense. Due to my wife's recent pregnancy, I became the designated "litter box boy". I now suspect that I have become infected with this parasite. This infection explains much of my recent poor behavior. In addition, it seems that my cats have been controlling me.... causing me to purchase kitty treats and to feed them beef jerky. It is only a matter of time before Pignose rules the world. Say goodbye to clean carpets everywhere.

Mustache Contest Day 19.

So begins the dog days of the contest. The mid point week and the bloom is definitely off the rose. Scratchy, itchy, and definitely the ideal habitat for breeding lice. Enough of the benefits of the mustache, now on to the negatives of a mustache/facial hair. In researching the ideal style of mustache, it began to dawn on me that many mustaches (mustachi?) seem to have a high correlation to EVIL. Hitler, Stalin, Castro, pretty much all head choppers, and various male porn stars all sport a mustache. Which came first, the mustache or the megalomaniac behavior. I'll be closely monitoring myself for evil and or the impulse to audition for "low budget" film projects.

Those wacky Germans!

Mustache Contest Day 13:

Did you know that there is a "World Beard and Mustache Championship"?

In three short years it will be held in Anchorage Alaska. I have begun planning and construction of my own masterpiece. I'm leaning towards "The nuclear destruction of Iran" expressed in facial hair, but may yet change directions and construct the "Islamification of Europe" That last one may not work so well due to what appears to be a heavy European slant in the ranks of contestants.

Oh, check that, I'm not going to participate in this crap. I just read "This time, there was no overall winner, consistent with the regulations of the Association of German Beard Clubs." Only the Germans would institute a contest with no winner. Of course this may be a reflection that in a beard and mustache championship there really are no winners... just losers.

Anyway, day 13 not much different from day 12. Growth continues unabated. I've come to believe that if my beard was thicker, I would look like Grizzly Adams right now. No more withdrawals from the contest, and we have begun designing the trophy. I suggested a Mr. Potato Head with nothing but the Mustache attached. We are researching the costs of bronzing said Potato Head.

Office Mustache Growing Contest

My team at work decided to hold a little mustache growing contests for the month of January.

Day 12:
Growth continues unabated. Not yet Gabe Kaplan, but well on my way. Yesterday we had our first quitter. He only lasted eleven days. Due to the early withdrawl, I decided we needed to institute a buddy system. Much like an alcoholic has a sponsor they can call in their hour of need, we now have mustache buddies. People who have never attempted to cultivate the perfect mustache do not understand the dark recesses of the soul that a man explores peering at a half grown mustache at 5 AM.

Snared in an OFFICE TIGER TRAP!

Yesterday in a meeting with a few of my coworkers, one of them was snared in the dreaded OFFICE TIGER TRAP. The incident went down as follows:

The players:

Coworker A seated, Coworker B seated, Coworker C seated behind desk, and me, seated in front of desk.

The timeline:

8:05:03 – Meet to discuss typical office drudgery.
8:06:41 – Gaze out window.
8:07:21 – Coworker A rises from seated position. Initially ignored by all present.
8:07:32 – Coworker A begins to walk, destination unknown.
8:07:34 – Coworker A passes a seated Coworker B. I begin to speculate that Coworker A is heading towards Coworker C seated at desk looking at a Dell computer monitor. No way to speculate on the possible reasons why Coworker A would want to do this. Coworker A seems to have an almost hypnotic gaze. Something unworldly is pulling Coworker A toward the computer monitor.
8:07:35 – Coworker A steps in the loop on the pull rope of a set of window blinds. All present unaware of Coworker A’s precarious situation – including Coworker A.
8:07:36 – OFFICE TIGER TRAP is sprung.
8:07:37 – Coworker A is on the ground. Right leg elevated in OFFICE TIGER TRAP. Pain begins to Appear on Coworker A’s face.
8:08:01 – Coworker B and Coworker C begin to offer solace. I attempt to contain myself.
8:08:41 - Meeting continues.

One month old

I snapped this picture while genevieve was pretending to sleep. Right now she is laying on the couch beside me listing to 70's music. It really seems to have a calming effect on her.

Today is daddy/daughter day. Genevieve's mom is going out Christmas shopping today and that means Baby's first Seahawks game! The education begins in earnest today. First a little football, then a continuation on musical themes. I started her out on 70's music because it was the height of the signer/songwritter era and as such is pretty mellow. You can't force feed baby reggae at one month, although I will probably slip a little Bob Marley in, just to get her interest peaked.

The musical education became important once I found out that her mother had been playing total "crap music" when she was in the womb. Backstreet Boys, Modonna, etc. is not going to cut it for my daughter. Badfinger just came on, and Genevieve is grooving. Got to go, the Mom just woke up.

Workout Change Up

I changed up my daily workout this week, and boy am I sore. My entire lower body is wrecked. I'm limping around the office like I just spent a month on Brokeback Mountain. Ehhhwww!!!

Dirty diaper, dirty diaper, dirty diaper, dirty diaper, etc, etc, etc,.........................

3 week old daughter.... nothing but poop, puke, and crying...


the weird thing is I love it. I promise to blog more when I get some time. Work has been crazy, but good, I finally have something to do.

I will have much more on wine and wine reviews when I start posting regularly. Also, I turned 32 last week, and I didn't post my thoughts. - may be a good thing.

Consumed a great Spanish wine tonight, - I must warn, after I drank it, I ordered ABBA Gold, - it was that good! - anyway, I will post soon.

More Baby Pictures:

Just back from the hospital and here are a few more pictures.

The weigh in.


Also, the one-eye. Genevieve is from a long line of one-eye's dating back to her 16th century pirate ancestor. You can almost here her say Ahrrrrr

Introducing Genevieve Grace!

Here is my new daughter Genevieve. She was born on November 17th.
Vital Stats:
Weight: 7 lbs 11 oz
Length: 19 3/4 inches
Cuteness Factor: High
Body Part that most resembles mine: Toes.

I'm sure she will make numerous appearances on the pages of this blog. She sort of looks like she is raging inside - just like her mother.

Ugh... Wednesday Night. Worst Night of Television Ever!

Hump day should be renamed Lump day. Boring boring boring. I'm so bored I'm watching my cats sleep. Man they are lazy beasts. I think one of them wants me to carry him into the bathroom so he can drink some water out of the tap. Fat chance little bastard. Maybe if you weren't so lazy, you wouldn't have got so fat, wouldn't have developed diabetes, and now wouldn't experience the classic dry mouth associated with that feline scourge. Oh well... circle of life.

Ah... Friday night and good Spanish wine.

Friday night and all is quiet. The wife is sleeping on the the couch. Periodically she wakes up and says stuff like, "why are all the light on?" and "Turn down the T.V." I am watching VH1's I love the 80's 3D. Right now they are profiling Jimmy the Greek. Yawn. I highly recommend Solanes 2001 Priorat. Very very good. I'm not yet at the point where I will describe the wine in high falutin' flowery language. Get it and try it. I'm going to have to purchase a case, and throw it in the cellar. A+

If you have been reading the blog, you will know that we have coons. They live in the back forty and basically come around and bother the cats from time time. I now believe that they are up to no good. This morning as I was leaving for work, I noticed one raccoon slinking around the side of my house. A few minutes later, another raccoon appeared and looked a little guilty. They are planning something, and I have the sneaky suspicion that what ever it is, it is not benevolent.

2 weeks to go till the kid is scheduled to arrive. We'll see if she is on time. Knowing her mother, she will be late, but stylish.

For you viewing pleasure, I have include "Monkey Bass".

I think I found my cat a boyfriend!

Drudge links to this story about a cat named Five Toes (yes he has 5 toes on each paw) that has two tongues! The two tongues got me to thinking that Five Toes may be the perfect boyfriend for my cat Pig Nose (yes she has a nose like a pig). Pig Nose is a dirty cat, and I figure if she had a boyfriend with 2 tongues, she wouldn't smell like ass all the time.

Bad Karaoke Night (Is there any other kind?)

This story out of Butte Montana demonstrates why karaoke is evil, and should be banned. Monday night at the Party Palace, 1 West Park, transsexual Kyle “Tawnie” Riekena claims she/he was beaten down and had her/his wig stolen while attempting to use the woman’s bathroom. Party Palace owner Ted Deshner disagrees with parts of “Tawnie’s” story.

“Tawnie” entered the bar Monday night for a drink and some song stylizing with a male companion. Monday is the traditional karaoke night at thousands of bars and taverns across the country. I have a little pet theory that “hate crimes” increase on Mondays during football season by 300% and this is a direct result of mixing Monday Night Football and the kooky Japanese sport of karaoke. The demographic divide between MNF fans and karaoke fans will not be bridged until a world class Japanese quarterback emerges to lead these two groups to the promise land.

After finishing his/her drink with his/her male companion, “Tawney” made a request to sing the karaoke song, “Killing Me Softly” by Roberta Flack. The first thing I learned about karaoke, in my long descent into this gritty subculture is that karaoke is all about song selection. Now far be it from me to “blame the victim” but come on, a transsexual in a bar in the toughest town in America should stay far, far, far away from a song entitled “Killing Me Softly”. “Papa Don’t Preach”, “Groove Is in the Heart”, and pretty much anything from the “Yentl” or “Pricilla” sound track will work, but come on, he/she is lucky he/she only lost his/her wig.

Soon after requesting the song, “Tawnie” entered the woman’s bathroom and allegedly startled a woman who told Deshner a man was in the women’s bathroom. Deshner then interrupted the karaoke, got on the microphone to tell all men to stay out of the women’s bathroom. Again, drawing from my vast karaoke spectator experience, interrupting karaoke for any reason is a bad idea. Deshner is lucky the patrons didn’t riot and burn the place down.

Deshner is quoted as saying, “If you have a penis, you should not go into the women’s bathroom. I don’t care if you have a doctor’s excuse.” Apparently “Tawney” has a note from her doctor and her counselor that explains his/her “condition” and gives him/her the right to use the women’s bathroom. I also have a note from a counselor that says I’m sane. I can’t tell you how handy that is….

After Deshner made his announcement, the karaoke hooligans pushed “Tawney” out the door and onto the sidewalk. The karaokigans hit and kicked her. “Tawney” is quoted as saying, “Imagine being pushed out a door and to your car by a tidal wave of human beings.” Deshner claimed he did not go outside, so he doesn’t know what happened to “Tawney”. He does know that someone did take “Tawnie’s” wig.

Deshner claimed his actions where not motivated by prejudice. He said, “I don’t want to chase anybody out, I want to make money.” This statement rings a little untrue to these ears. If he really wants to make money and not chase anybody out, why does he offer karaoke every Monday night?

The final piece of this story is pure gold. “Tawney” plans to continue living in Butte, were she is seeking work. “Tawney” says, “I’m treated great. I’m told I look good. I’m compared to Victoria’s secret models a lot.” He/She is also determined to complete his/her sex change. “It will happen short of death,” Tawney said.

I sense a Lifetime movie deal in the works. Working title – Karaoke Caress – The Tawney Riekena Story.

Weird workout story:

I diligently workout six days a week to keep myself in fighting trim. I belong to a large exclusive high end club, the kind where people play squash, hit the spa, blow dry their genitals (a story for another time), then sip wine at one of the 2 restaurants in the club. This place has flat screen digital TV all over the place, all of the latest equipment impeccably maintained, the whole nine yards. The level of service and luxury at this club typically translates into the rudest membership roster possible.

This morning I am working out on the stepmill, doing a quick 35 minutes of cardio before lifting some weights, and a guy jumps up on the machine next to mine. I immediately look down the line of 30 open machines, and wondered why this guy would pick the machine next to mine. I am about 15 minutes into my workout when, the guy starts fumbling with the magazine he was reading and drops it off the front of his machine. I finish my workout, wipe down my machine, and was about to head down to the weight room when the guy next to me asks me to get his magazine for him. I was shocked. In order to get this guy's magazine, I would have to either walk about 20 yard down the row of machines, turn and walk back, or squeeze through a 7" gap between the machines. I choose to squeeze through the gap, grab the magazine and as I handed it to him with my sweaty hand I said, "Here's your magazine ya Jackass!".

The guy looked at me like I just punched his poodle. I guess he could not comprehend that I wouldn't want to be his man servant and clean up after him.

The elimination!

The gals are eating their own, ha ha ha.

I love how they try justifying their eliminations. It all comes down to who has the prettiest hair. Just like Drivers Training.

Stick a fork in her, Katheryn is done. Blah Blah Blah, she describes her self as defensive, and not a part of the group. Kind of a bummer. It doesn't seem that anyone cares. Well Kathryn, I care. I'm going to miss that big gal, until next week.

Fat girls exercising montage! They have estimated that they each need to lose 6 lbs to win... lets find out!

Girl's Weigh In.
Jen: previous weight 248, current weight 244. Cottage cheese level 9
Katherine: previous weight 202, current weight 201. Cottage cheese level def con 5!
Andrea: previous weight 209, current weight 204. Cottage cheese level - chedder
Some gal: Previous weight 207, current weight 205. Ccottage cheese level -sour
Suzanne: Previous weight 213, current weight 209. Cottage cheese level - who are we kidding
Shannon: Previous weight 242, current weight 240. Cottage cheese level - wholesale!
Suzy: Previous weight 207, current weight 205. Cottage cheese level - off the scale

And the gals lost!!!!, Guys are celebrating with steaks as big as your Head! Trainer does not think it is funny. The trainer says he is full of crap. I knew he was full of something.

And we're back. Matt lived! he has a tear in his quad. He is going to fight on... The team is entirely confident that he will get the pounds off.